From the time we become mothers we are told that our children should always come first. That mantra is repeated in parenting advice, in cultural expectations, and in the quiet ways we judge ourselves: If I’m a “good mom,” I’ll sacrifice my time, my needs, and my dreams for my family.
It sounds noble. It even sounds loving. But here’s the truth we don’t talk about enough: constantly putting yourself last comes with a hidden price tag—and the interest compounds over time.
The Myth of the Selfless Mom
We’ve been sold an image of the perfect mother. She’s always smiling, endlessly patient, ready to drop everything to meet everyone else’s needs. She eats last, sleeps last, and lives last—if she even gets to live for herself at all.
And the problem? That mom doesn’t actually exist. And trying to live like her is not only exhausting—it’s damaging.
When you repeatedly push your needs, goals, and well-being to the back of the line, you don’t just lose out on “me time.” You lose pieces of yourself.
The Real Cost of Always Being Last
Let’s pull back the curtain on what happens when you never prioritize yourself.
1. Burnout Becomes Your Baseline
You know that feeling when you’re tired even after a full night’s sleep? When you can’t remember the last time you felt truly rested or energized?
That’s not just “normal mom life.” That’s burnout.
Mom burnout doesn’t happen overnight—it’s the slow leak of energy from years of running on empty without ever refilling your tank.
2. Resentment Creeps In
Even the most loving mom can start to feel resentful when she never gets a turn. Resentment is a warning sign from your body and mind: Something is out of balance.
Ignoring it does not make you a better mom. It just pushes the feelings underground, where they often resurface as irritation, guilt, or even withdrawal.
3. You Model Self-Neglect
Children learn by watching us. When they see us consistently sideline our own needs, they absorb the message: My worth comes from serving others, not myself. And while serving others can be noble, it can also become self-destructive.
That’s not the legacy most of us want to pass on—especially to our daughters.
4. Your Health Takes the Hit
The simple ignoring of our needs can lead to harsh realities. Skipping meals, running on coffee, sleeping less, and ignoring symptoms because “you don’t have time” can lead to chronic health problems. The invisible toll on your body adds up.
5. Your Dreams Collect Dust
Where is the dream that once burned a fire in you?That book you wanted to write. The class you wanted to take. The trip you wanted to plan.
When you always put yourself last, those dreams don’t just get delayed—they often disappear entirely.
Why It’s So Hard to Step Out of Last Place
If you’ve been living this way for years, making a change can feel impossible. The guilt kicks in:
Many of us frown upon ourselves. We frown upon the audacity that we have needs and our own endeavors to fulfill. We recite this inner dialogue: “Who am I to take time for myself?” “What if my family needs me while I’m gone?” “Isn’t this selfish?”
We’ve been conditioned to believe that selflessness is the highest form of love. The truth remains that you can’t pour from an empty cup—and martyrdom certainly isn’t the same as love.
The Shift: From Self-Neglect to Self-Value
It’s a common misconception that putting yourself first means your family comes last. But that’s total hogwash. It means you finally acknowledge that your needs matter too. And when you meet those needs, you show up with more energy, more joy, and more presence for the people you love.
Here’s how to start shifting the balance:
1. Identify One Non-Negotiable
Pick one thing—just one—that’s for you and you alone. It could be a 20-minute walk, journaling each morning, or attending that pottery class you’ve been eyeing. Protect it like you would a doctor’s appointment.
2. Schedule Your Needs First
Most moms schedule everyone else first and then squeeze themselves into the leftover space. Flip it. Put your self-care, rest, or personal projects on the calendar before you fill it with other commitments.
3. Say “No” Without the Essay
Learn the art of not over explaining. You don’t owe anyone a 10-sentence explanation for why you can’t volunteer, host, or take on that extra project. A simple, “I can’t this time, but thank you for thinking of me” works.
4. Share the Load
Sometimes we put ourselves last because we’ve taken on too much. I know, I’ve been there and likely you gave too. Learn to delegate tasks, ask for help, and let others contribute—even if they do it differently than you would.
5. Reframe Guilt as Growth
Guilt often means you’re stretching outside your comfort zone. Instead of seeing it as proof you’re doing something wrong, see it as proof you’re growing.
The Long-Term Payoff of Putting Yourself Back in the Picture
When you stop putting yourself last, you:
Boost your energy and emotional resilience. Model healthy boundaries for your children. Boundaries equal: joy and creativity. Protect your health for the long run. Keep your dreams alive—and maybe even achieve them.
And perhaps most importantly—you remember who you are beyond “Mom.”
Your Family Deserves the Real You
The hidden cost of always putting yourself last isn’t just what you lose—it’s what your family loses, too. They lose the vibrant, passionate, fully alive version of you. The habits we model as moms become the habits our children fully embrace. And that may or may not be a good thing.
Loving your family and loving yourself are not competing priorities—they are intertwined. When you choose to value yourself, you set the foundation for everyone to thrive.
If this hits close to home, I want you to hear me: Mom, you are allowed to take center stage in your own life. You are allowed to rest, to dream, to say no, to say yes to yourself.
Because when you stop putting yourself last, you stop disappearing from your own story.
If you’re ready to step out of the “last place” mentality and start owning your worth, my upcoming book, Mom Take Center Stage (launching August 26, 2025), is your guide. It’s part pep talk, part playbook, and all about helping moms like you reclaim your energy, confidence, and joy.
Pre-order your copy today and start writing yourself back into your life.
Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@simran01_fashionphotography
