Stop Seeking Approval: How to Trust Yourself and Shine
Have you ever noticed how noisy the world is when you’re just trying to make a simple decision? Your mom has an opinion, your best friend thinks differently, social media is shouting the opposite, and Google offers about a million conflicting answers. No wonder so many of us end up with what I like to call decision constipation. We’re so clogged up with everyone else’s opinions that we forget the one voice that matters most—our own.
Let’s be honest with ourselves—this isn’t just about the big stuff like changing careers or moving cities. It’s the everyday choices too. Should I wear this outfit? Post that picture? Speak up at the meeting? Order the salad or the fries? We second-guess ourselves, not because we don’t know what we want, but because we’re silently waiting for someone else to nod in approval.
It’s worth noticing that the more we chase approval, the further we drift from authenticity. And when we abandon ourselves for the comfort of fitting in, we dim the very light that makes us shine.
Reflection question: Think about one recent decision you postponed or changed because of someone else’s opinion. How did it make you feel afterward?
The Trap of Seeking Approval
So why do we do it? Why do smart, capable women keep putting everyone else’s opinions ahead of their own?
Because approval feels safe. It’s validation. It’s that warm little hit of reassurance that says, “You’re okay.” But like any quick fix, it wears off fast.
Here are some of the biggest approval-seeking traps I see women fall into (and yes, I’ve been guilty of all of them):
The “likeable” trap. You bend over backward to be easygoing, agreeable, and pleasant—even when it means swallowing your true feelings. I remember saying “yes” to hosting a weekend gathering, even though I had planned a quiet morning for myself. I spent the whole day stressed and exhausted. Later, I realized the yes wasn’t for me—it was for everyone else.
The “not enough” trap. You hold back because you’re afraid of being judged as too loud, too ambitious, too emotional—or on the flip side, not strong enough, not smart enough, not fill-in-the-blank enough. How often do you catch yourself editing what you say in a group just to avoid judgment?
The “validation junkie” trap. You can’t relax into a decision until your spouse, your friend, or your online followers co-sign it. I used to post pictures or updates only after triple-checking how people might respond—proof that I was constantly measuring myself against others.
The “overthinking” trap. You replay conversations in your head, crafting and recrafting responses, worrying about what people might think. It can feel like mental gymnastics, and often leaves you exhausted before the day even begins.
If you’re nodding right now, you’re not alone. Approval-seeking is sneaky because it dresses itself up as politeness, thoughtfulness, or just “being considerate.” But what it really does is siphon your energy, drain your confidence, and keep you playing small.
Reflection question: Which of these traps do you fall into most often? How does it show up in your daily life?
Debunking the Myths
This is where it gets tricky: some of the biggest lies we believe about approval are the very things that keep us stuck.
Myth #1: “If I say no, I’ll disappoint people.”
Truth: Saying yes to everyone else means saying no to yourself. Protecting your time and energy isn’t selfish—it’s how you show up fully when you do say yes. People may not like it in the moment, but the ones who truly value you will respect it.
Myth #2: “If everyone approves, then I’m doing it right.”
Here’s what I’ve noticed: approval is fickle. What wins applause today might get side-eyes tomorrow. If your compass is external validation, you’ll constantly be spinning. Authenticity is the only standard that holds steady.
Myth #3: “Confidence means never doubting myself.”
Truth: Confidence isn’t the absence of doubt; it’s the decision to move forward anyway. Trust is built by doing, not by waiting until you feel 100% certain.
Myth #4: “Keeping the peace is more important than speaking up.”
Think about this: silencing yourself for harmony doesn’t create real peace. It just builds quiet resentment. Speaking your truth may rock the boat, but it also sets you free.
Reflection question: Pick one “myth” that resonates most with you. How might your life change if you stopped believing it?
How to Start Trusting Yourself
Okay, so if approval-seeking is a trap, how do we climb out of it? Trusting yourself isn’t something that magically happens—it’s a muscle you build, one choice at a time.
It’s worth noticing that the women who start trusting themselves don’t do it by overhauling their lives overnight. They do it with small, daily choices that add up to a deep, unshakable confidence.
Listen to your gut (on small things). Start with the little stuff. What do you actually want for lunch? Which outfit makes you feel good? Practicing on small choices strengthens your inner voice for bigger ones.
Catch yourself in the approval loop. Notice the next time you delay a decision until someone else weighs in. Pause and ask: “What do I already know?” Nine times out of ten, you already have the answer.
Celebrate tiny wins. Did you speak up in a meeting? Say no to something you didn’t want to do? Post the photo without over-editing it to perfection? Pause and celebrate that—you just chose yourself over approval.
Redefine failure. Instead of seeing mistakes as proof you shouldn’t have trusted yourself, see them as feedback. Every stumble teaches you something and builds resilience.
Surround yourself with the right voices. Trusting yourself doesn’t mean going it alone—it means choosing the people who encourage your voice, not drown it out. Community matters, but make sure it’s one that reflects your values.
Reflection question: What is one small decision today you can make entirely for yourself, without seeking anyone else’s approval?
The Shine Factor
If you’re nodding right now, you’re not alone—and here’s the shift: the moment you stop hustling for approval, you actually become more magnetic. People are drawn to those who are grounded in their own worth.
When you trust yourself, you:
Speak with clarity instead of apology.
Take risks that align with your dreams.
Attract opportunities that match your authenticity.
Stop twisting yourself into a shape that pleases everyone—and finally live in a shape that feels like you.
This is what I call the shine factor. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present. It’s about being unapologetically whole. When you shine, you give other women permission to do the same.
Reflection question: Imagine living a week completely guided by your own choices. What would that look like? How might it feel?
Approval is a moving target. Chase it, and you’ll never feel settled. Trust yourself, and you’ll always have solid ground beneath your feet.
Let’s be honest with ourselves—you don’t need anyone’s permission to shine. You just need your own trust. The more you choose yourself, the brighter you’ll become. And that light? It’s not just for you. It’s a gift you offer to everyone around you.
If this resonates with you, my book, Mom Take Center Stage dives even deeper into these themes. You can order your copy directly on my website https://satyanauth.com/shop/ or on Amazon https://a.co/d/5Q18jRX along with my empowering merch collection if you’re in the US or the UK. It’s about reclaiming your voice, living with unapologetic confidence, and stepping fully into your own spotlight—because you were never meant to stay in the shadows.
